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                享受疼痛,生命自會找到出口

                時間: 2019-04-15 | 作者:菲德爾 | 來源: 諾亞文章網 | 編輯: admin | 閱讀:

                  失戀讓你的生命轉了個彎,但人生是不能回頭的旅程,我們能選擇的,是繼續駐足、回望,或是帶著過去的回憶向前走,享受轉過彎的新風景。

                  有沒有時候,妳也覺得人生似乎「卡住」了?

                  2018 年的最后一天,妳坐在朋友家的沙發上迎接倒數:「5、4、3、2、1??耶!Happy new year」

                  桌面上擺滿著食物啤酒,電視畫面中的煙火從101 上方飛躍而出,五彩繽紛此起彼落,妳眼睛發直地瞪著那根細長的建筑物,心中不禁試問了自己:「新的一年,真的會比較好嗎?」

                  去年開始,妳仿佛忽然被衰神盯上一般,無奈結束了長年的感情,不如以往的健康狀態在這個2018 年也未見明顯的好轉,好似只剩工作乖乖地守候在妳身邊,不忍心成為擊潰妳意志的最后一根稻草。

                  就是一個「悶」字。

                  上身猛力地掙扎,但雙腳卻被鐵鏈圈住,禁錮在一個狹小的半徑之間,無法邁步突破。明明眼見前方有個光線通透、更加芳香,那個妳從未放棄信念要前往的遠方,就在那里!但是卻一步也接近不了,越努力越疲憊。

                  失戀了以后,算是認真地自我療愈,也痛徹心扉的大哭了幾回,拭去眼淚的臉龐再印上了新的痕跡,這樣的過程中反覆將自己撕碎再黏貼成稍微像樣的人形,白日出門工作、回家繼續軟爛的日子,就這樣大半年過去了,當妳自認為應該已經好的差不多的時候。一個準備要結束的國外旅行,妳站在即將要開啟的登記門前,因為手賤又去關心了前任臉書,直覺簡直靈敏地像是只狗鼻子,嗅到了新的戀情,還有幾絲已經橫越了曖昧的味道。此時,一把鋒利的箭瞬間從遠方射進了妳的胸口,妳以為自己不會再滴血了,但那都是自以為罷了。

                  坐在起飛的班機上,機艙的燈隨后暗了下來,妳望向窗外的黑夜開始熱淚盈眶,心中暗暗發誓這將是自己最后一次為他心碎:

                  「我這里天快要亮了那里呢

                  我這里天氣很炎熱那里呢

                  我這里一切都變了我變的不哭了

                  我把照片也收起了而那你呢

                  如果我們現在還在一起會是怎樣

                  我們是不是還是深愛著對方

                  像開始時那樣握著手就算天快亮」

                  妳的心中響起了戴佩妮的一首歌《怎樣》,旋律伴隨飛機緩緩爬升進入云層之上,象征著這整段愛情的消逝,已經距離那年的純真,雙腳騰空的愈來愈遠。真的,這是關于他的事最后一次能夠傷妳的了。(你會喜歡:我不愿重復自己!專訪戴佩妮:「當你能接受最好與最壞,你會變得特別勇敢」)

                  那個晚上,妳并沒有急著把箭拔下來,而是就讓它這么繼續刺在心上,深刻地感受著最后的愛與痛。

                  后來也開始愿意約會了,但似乎始終無法擺脫與前任較勁的心情,這種焦慮的感受,源自于一直遇不到有感覺的對象,欣賞的對象也不見得對自己發生相同程度的好感,充其量只能說身邊充斥著一些「類似愛」的感覺,關于朋友幸福的各種畫面,也不時加入成為敦促自己的燃料。

                  「還是想要幸福」

                  與生活中不順遂的其它時刻,總合起來的時候最為可怕,仿佛一面面跋扈而刺眼的鏡子,硬是要排列并映照出妳目前孤獨而失落的模樣,所有幸福的可能都在小房間以外的地方,它們的確存在,但全都不屬于妳。

                  「魔鏡啊魔鏡,為何我對這個世界繼續微笑,但聽到的卻盡是徒勞無功的聲音?我繼續相信幸福,卻被幸福反卡死在一個境地里,走不出去是不是代表我不夠好。」鏡子中央的女孩發出低吼,是因為她無法臣服于命運出的作業下,鏡子不是別人豎立的,腳鏈并非由哪個混蛋銬上的,而是她自己的頭腦意識。

                  「親愛的女孩,妳太急,急著想要跳船,自己游泳離開這片傷心的海洋,但不會比較快哦。」忘記妳到底困頓了多久,某一刻才聽到了來自魔鏡(內心)的回應。

                  明白了唯一的捷徑就是「面對」,面對自己的傷感與單獨,而不是一味地想要依靠別人來擺脫孤獨。首先順應當下的局面,一步一腳印慢慢地展開負能量釋放、自我療愈、像是個學生,最后明白了這事件背后需要妳去悟透的理,那么鏡面真的會變得柔和。

                  當自己的雙眼開始盈溢信心,流露出自然而不勉強的能量,也就能夠溫柔地對待不壓迫自己。漸漸的妳會發現即便直視著這些傷痕,也不會那么痛了。就是如此神奇,當妳愿意與自己開啟了對話,才有機會讓高墻全面倒下,而不需要所謂的鑰匙也能走出去。這個Circle 無法省略、必須完成。

                  或許我們都會想問:「那到底需要多久的時間才能結束?」

                  我會說,把它想成一座大型溜滑梯吧!沒有人知道究竟需要多久的時間才能抵達出口,但若妳能在沖力帶妳向左拐的時候試圖欣賞左方的景致,向右滑的時候心想:「哇!原來這里長這樣子,如果沒來我就永遠不會知道了」,若能不用盡全力的抵抗命運,就不會成為向下找到出口的阻力,而卡住的時候也不會如此痛了,然后出口就會出現在不遠處的幾哩外,等待著迎接一個嶄新的,猶如浴火鳳凰的妳。(也推薦你:讓你重新相信愛情的十首選詩:我希望時間能善待我們)

                  這段過渡時期,妳也將會明白自己喜歡的人,剛好也能對妳投以相同眼光的可貴,視線剛好對上了,那絕對不是一件巧合,而是萬分幸運的事。

                  所以請妳先讓自己的心變得健康而堅強,保持好奇,耐心等待,盡量避免腦補與陷入自怨自艾的情境,因為急著帶著缺口去填補他人,或等著也有缺口的人來解救妳,都無法成就一段有品質的感情。

                  愛情的先決條件終究是「愛」,唯有成為無條件愛自己與他人的人,另一個無論如何都能接住自己的人才會出現,和妳成為一個雙。當妳開始決定遇見他的時候,想必他也已有感應開始行動,所以先別墜入青鳥會帶妳走進幸福的泡泡里,請先相信這種愛的同步性。

                文章標題: 享受疼痛,生命自會找到出口
                文章地址: http://www.hriscs.com/article-95-183307-0.html
                文章標簽:自會  疼痛  找到

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