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                爆文一時爽,小心有陷阱

                時間: 2019-04-15 | 作者:姚怡 | 來源: 諾亞文章網 | 編輯: admin | 閱讀:

                  朋友圈中常常能看到這樣的爆文:

                  說婚姻里的女人是最苦的。女人們既要肩負家庭和事業,又要伺候一個“爺”一樣的老公。所以現在離婚率越來越高。

                  但現在的女人已經不是舊社會離了男人,不能活的小腳女人了。當男人還在婚姻里“獨自享樂”,女人卻早已受夠了他們的“不作為”,不懂得經營婚姻,卻只顧自己。

                  婚姻是兩個人一同的協作,而不是一方忍耐,另一方享受。只有那些懂得愛,扛得起婚姻責任的男人,才能給你滋養。

                  看見這種文章,我很想轉給我家那塊木頭看,或者轉發朋友圈里,他一定會看到。

                  準備這么做時,腦海里又會出現另一個聲音:海燕啊,你可長點心吧。你知道,這并不是事實的全部。

                  于是我順從腦海中的聲音停下來捋一捋:這些爆文所說是全部真相嗎,又是如何俘獲了廣大女性的心?

                爆文核心1:同理女性的苦.....

                  爆文的核心思想之一,女性最苦,婚姻里的女性苦上加苦。

                  爆文給了女性之痛一個承接點:我知道你是苦的,我理解你的痛苦。當我們發現他人認可我們的付出,能看到我們的價值時,我們就會很輕易的相信TA。

                  別說稍微感性的女性,就連更為事實派的男性,聽到如此寬慰人心的話,都會兩行熱淚,你真的太了解我了。這也是古代男人愿意去青樓,日本居酒屋的甜妹子最吸引人的地方。

                  專門為女性生產的爆文,正好扮演了寬慰女性身心之痛,看見女性價值的角色。有些的簡介詞更直接說:我沒見過你,但是我了解你。

                  這些爆文的內容在“女性之痛”上給出了承接,如果僅僅在安慰女性的痛上止步,我覺得這一點也不壞。就好像在小孩子的世界里,父母可能因為工作或者成人世界的復雜性短暫的離開他們,小孩子卻永遠可以抱住自己的毛毛熊獲得安慰。

                  爆文的安慰背后卻有一個陷阱:小孩子永遠可以抱住自己的毛毛熊,因為毛毛熊不會跑也不會跳,但是大人如果給自己畫地為牢,就會發現世界改變,我卻原地不動。

                  沒有誰可以只留在痛苦里。我們更需要的是看見這個痛,面對這個痛,然后走出這個痛。只有如此才能夠獲得自由。

                爆文核心2:為女性發泄憤怒.....

                  爆文的核心思想之二,你有憤怒,我來表達。

                  在關系中很多女性是沉默的,她們沒有學會在關系中表達,常處在敢怒不敢言的情境中。她們知道自己的苦,卻不知如何說,更不知如何向對方表達。

                  爆文的制作團隊都是些,表達能力很強的人,他們不但能清晰說出女性之痛,還能數落出對方的任性,更能夠變著花樣的寫。

                  所以,爆文看起來得有多爽——看見了我的苦,說出了我的痛,還數落了我想數落的人。

                  這無疑幫助女性看清了自己的處境,發泄了無法對他人表達的憤怒——無法被看清的憤怒,無法被語言標記的痛苦,無法對對方訴說的委屈,被看見和清除。

                  不過到達“發泄憤怒”并不算完,影視劇需要戲劇張力,爆文也需要戲劇張力。只將女性之痛寫出來,將女性的委屈講清楚,將男性的任性數出來還不能算一款成功的爆文。

                  最后,還需要一個點燃干草的打火機。爆文需要一個燃點,將男性與女性對立起來。這就好像是一些解決人感情生活的節目一般,若想讓戲外的人看的驚心動魄,節目組是希望“戲中人”打起來的,因為不打起來是真心不好看。

                  爆文也需要一些由頭,先讓男人女人對立起來,再得雙方不服氣得“打起來”才算數。沒有這種燃爆的情緒,如何能燃爆點擊量呢?

                  但很可惜,生活不是戲劇舞臺,我們上得去,是否還下得來?

                  在生活中沒有被看到的憤怒是需要被觀察的,沒有被表達的情緒是需要清晰表達的。但這不意味著雙方的絕對對立。

                  張愛玲說“生在這世上,沒有一樣感情不是千瘡百孔的。”這無疑有些絕望的味道,的確沒有哪段關系會沒有問題。關系就像衣服一樣可以縫縫補補,舊衣服卻有舊衣服的好處,只有這塊布料留有我們的味道。

                  所以,我們需要在男女的對立中下來,在生活中找一種適合的男女相處之道。

                爆文里有安慰,也有陷阱.....

                  爆文效應會發酵,這是一種思想與情緒的傳播,也是一種思維的固化。

                  我身邊很多姐妹已經離婚,或者正在鬧離婚。我發現她們中很多人想離婚是因為,她們認同爆文的觀點:男人在婚姻里沒擔當,不懂得呵護女人,不懂得經營感情。那女人既養得了自己,又養得了孩子,還需要你干嘛?

                  我感覺,這種對立缺少了些發現,我相信真正的關系要比這個復雜。我們仔細想想這種女性其實在發出這樣的聲音:

                  一方面我追求在世界上獨立存活,另一方面我希望在關系里被呵護與照顧。而如果你不能給我關懷,我又在應對世界上沒問題。我還需要你嗎,我還需要關系嗎?

                  可以看見這里面含有她們對關系隱性的渴望,但她們卻沒有方法做些讓關系變得更好的事情。仿佛她們只有兩個選擇,在關系中得不到照料,或者離開關系變得真正的“獨立”。

                  女性因歷史悠久的社會地位,將她們固定在一個弱小、附屬品的角色上。當一些有干勁的女性一旦有機會,就去毀掉這個“被命名”的角色,去成為一個“獨立”的人。

                  這是從一端走向另一端,因為沒有經驗,所以很難把握這個程度。使得她們中有些人回不來了,獨立是否意味著不需要關系,不需要他人?她們仿佛無法理解自己的另一面,同時需要關系,想被照顧,想被關懷。

                  其實無論女性或者男性,都是在獨立中尋求關系,在關系中又可以維持獨立。所以,一個人就需要關系,也可以獨立。

                  爆文只是一種兩性關系的催化劑,給了女性一些安慰,同樣給了女性一些圈套。

                  很有可能女性首要的問題不是去和男性和解,而是與曾經“被標明的角色”的對立中尋找和解,再找尋真正屬于自己的女性角色。來完成獨立與關系的和諧。

                作者:姚怡

                  心理咨詢師,自由撰稿人

                  終身學習實踐者

                  左手練冥想,右手寫小說

                  愛好運動和閱讀的全職媽媽一枚

                  個人公眾號:黑白藍

                  推 薦 閱 讀

                  投稿

                  猛 戳獨立是否意味著不需要關系,不需要他人?

                文章標題: 爆文一時爽,小心有陷阱
                文章地址: http://www.hriscs.com/article-95-183293-0.html
                文章標簽:陷阱  小心
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