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                五一休息節經典搞笑說說

                時間: 2018-06-27 | 來源: 諾亞文章網 | 編輯: admin | 閱讀:

                  導語:五一勞動節,假期放輕松。下面是美文閲讀網小編收集整理的關于五一勞動節的搞笑說說,歡迎大家閱讀參考!

                  1.在家的時候發燒還會堅持上網,上學的時候打個噴嚏都會覺得是癌癥晚期。

                  2.別老看AV,你也不看看鍵盤上,字母A和V后面分別是什么。

                  3.流量強奸了話費,生下了一個孽種叫停機。

                  4.能用錢解決的問題都不是問題,可問題是我是窮人。

                  5.看到你我連食欲都沒了,還談什么性欲?

                  6.苦藤老樹昏鴉,學校食堂漲價,同學餓成瘦馬。夕陽西下,麻麻我要回家。

                  7.小時候,我最喜歡玩捉迷藏,等別人藏好了,我就回家吃飯。

                  8.懷孕少女的心理活動:我媽會殺了我的!胎兒的心理活動:我媽會殺了我的!

                  9.其實灰太狼失敗的原因就是別的狼都吃生的,這貨非要吃熟的!

                  10.那天看到你在大街上摔倒了,當時著急的要死,多希望現實能夠像網絡一樣可以在右下角輕輕點個贊。

                  11.對于,看完鬼片不敢上廁所的孩子們,我想說鬼也是有尊嚴的,哪個鬼夜沒事躲你家馬桶里等你。

                  12.各位女同事,請不要對我放電,我老婆有來電顯示。

                  13.不愿做奴隸的人民,愿做人民幣的奴隸。

                  14.孩子咳嗽老不好,多半是不想上學裝的,給打兩頓就行了。

                  15.想睡的人睡不著多半是因為睡不著想睡的人。

                  16.你有《時間簡史》嗎?神經病,有時間我也不撿屎

                  17.世界上有兩種東西會趴玻璃,一個是壁虎,一個是班主任。

                  18.麻麻,我能看電視嗎?當然可以,但就是不能打開它。

                  19.面對試卷的時候,我發現我得了白學病。

                  20.人之初,性本善,你掏錢,我吃飯。

                  21.成績你就是個賤人,總是挑撥我們和爸媽的關系。

                  22.班主任是什么?班主任就是一個破壞完你友情,再破壞你愛情,還不放過你親情的人。

                  23.我爸面對我發胖一事發表了看法:沒有韓紅的命,還得了韓紅的病。

                  24.對學習十竅我通了九竅,相當于一竅不通。

                  25.我決定了,正月十五早上賣湯圓,中午賣玫瑰,晚上賣電影票,深夜賣避孕套,第二天早上賣避孕藥,想想都好激動,我這是要發了的節奏阿!

                  26.曾經我也是一枚學霸,直到有一天想去學渣的世界看看,結果就找不到回去的路了。

                  27.給我一個姑娘,我可以創造一個民族。給我一個姑娘,我可以創造一個民族。給我一個姑娘,我可以創造一個民族。

                  28.談錢傷感情,談感情最他媽傷錢。

                  29.你現在不喜歡我沒關系,以后我讓我兒子泡你女兒!

                  30.我會煮各種口味的方便面,你要不要考慮娶了我。

                  31.一個美國人上廁所忘帶手紙,只好通過手機Facebook求救!十多分鐘后20多位好心人送來手紙!一個中國人上廁所忘帶手紙,通過微信朋友圈求助,十多分鐘后被點了50多個贊。

                  32.下輩子做只考拉,每天睡覺20個小時,吃2個小時,發呆2個小時,這才是完美人生啊!

                  33.暑假作業我已經攤在陽臺上了,臺風你自己看著辦吧。

                  34.據說爸爸第一次聽到女兒有男朋友的時候的感覺,就像農民伯伯辛辛苦苦中了一季的白菜被豬給拱了。

                  35.長的好看的作弊都不容易,監考老師忍不住就看幾眼,難怪當年我經常被發現。

                  36.我和暑假手拉,中間卻夾著一條叫作業的狗。

                  37.我見過最不要臉的人就是作業了,我說了不喜歡它,它還要我做了它。

                  38.下課回宿舍的路上,一直有人不停地向我發放各種各樣的傳單。看來,我已經美得令人發紙了

                  39.我撿了個神燈,許愿我死前能找到女朋友,結果我獲得了永生!

                  40.平時我是一個好脾氣的人,但是如果有人觸碰到了我的底線,那我就會降低我的底線。

                  41.只是因為在人群中多看了你一眼你就以為我要坐你的摩的

                  42.以后只要是我的朋友,誰沒錢了盡管和我說一聲我就給你講講,沒錢的日子我是怎么度過的。

                  43.我好怕被臺風吹到別人的懷里,畢竟像我這么可愛的人,別人是肯定不會還的。

                  44.前男友發信息讓我去參加他婚禮,我淡定的回了三個字:下次去!

                  45.為了將來我的孩紙不輸在起跑線上,我現在就給他掛Q。

                  46.自從得了神經病,整個人都精神多了。

                  47.長得帥的踢鍵子都帥,長得丑的打高爾夫都像在鏟屎。

                  48.每天早上起床都要看一遍福布斯富翁排行榜,如果上面沒有我的名字,我就去上班。

                  49.為什么新聞放完了總是要播出他們在收拾稿子的片段?回答:為了告訴你,我們吹牛是打了草稿的!

                  50.到底誰特么的藍牙名叫一只老母豬!每次我開藍牙,系統就提示一只老母豬要和你配對。

                文章標題: 五一休息節經典搞笑說說
                文章地址: http://www.hriscs.com/article-151-136713-0.html

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